Act like a lady - think like a man...

Today I thought I could handle a little 'light news' so I went to MSN Canada to see what the headlines were for today. I wish I didn't. The headline 'What drives men to do the things they do?' jumped out at me. Against my better judgement, I clicked on the link.

Comedian Steve Harvey is hocking his new book "Act Like a Lady - Think Like a Man" which is a sort-of psuedo self-help book for women to finally 'get' men, although to what end still remains unclear to me. Perhaps Mr. Harvey is hoping to ride out wave of last weeks blockbuster movie 'He's Just Not That Into You' - apparently if you made it through that film without cringing or gagging, you must have been high. I did not see it due to receiving several phonecalls and facebooks from well meaning friends guarding my piece of mind. A tribute to bold intelligent women it apparently was not...

So what drives men to do what they do? According to Harvey it has been quaintly reduced to three oh-so-simple ideologies: men are driven by who they are (Harvey gives job title as an example; CFO and CEO are repeatedly mentioned), what they do (more references to job title), and how much he makes (are you starting to see a pattern here?). Apparently, these three simple things make up the entire mindset of any and every man and if ladies even have a hope of understanding the men around them, they must find ways to relate to them using these three criteria.

Harvey states: "Think about it: from the moment a boy is born, the first thing everyone around him starts doing is telling him what he must do to be a real man. He is taught to be tough -- to wrestle, climb, get up without crying, not let anyone push him around. He is taught to work hard -- to do chores around the house, get the groceries out of the car, take out the trash, shovel the snow, cut the grass, and, as soon as he's old enough, get a job. He is taught to protect -- to watch out for his mother and his younger siblings, to watch over the house and the family's property. And he is especially encouraged to uphold his family name -- make something of himself so that when he walks in a room, everybody is clear about who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. Each of these things is taught in preparation for one thing: manhood.
The pursuit of manhood doesn't change once a boy is grown. In fact, it's only magnified. His focus has always been on, and will remain on, who he is, what he does, and how much he makes until he feels like he's achieved his mission. And until a man does these things, women only fit into the cracks of his life. He's not thinking about settling down, having children, or building a home with anyone until he's got all three of those things in sync. I'm not saying that he has had to have made it, but at least he has to be on track to making it."

I guess I will start with a question to all of the men out there: "Aren't you tired of all of this shit?" Being a student of feminism, I am intimately aware of the number that is done on females from the minute they are born to teach them their purpose in life, which is to catch a man and have his (preferably male) babies, but thanks to Pierre Bourdieu and other great theorists, I am starting to get a glimpse of what society does to men. What is amazing to me is that the masculine order seems to dispense with its own justification. No one questions these 'maxims' - they just are. If you want to be a man you better have the phallus - not just in your pants, but in your pocketbook, and on your business card. What pressure to grow up under.

One thing Bourdieu states is that masculinity works because it is always under threat. This is why some men feel the need to beat gay men for doing nothing but being gay. It is for this reason they are not allowed to cry - crying is associated with women. And what is even worse, is that any act that men commit in the name of 'manliness' does not get credited to the man doing the act - it gets credited to masculinity in general. If a man defends himself in a fight as opposed to running, he is 'manning up.' Yet it is okay, and even encouraged, that women flee physical conflict. And if men think they get to control their 'manliness' - they are living in a fool's paradise. So many things can happen that take manliness away from a man. If he gets cheated on by his wife, he is a cuckhold. If he gets laid off from his job (something Harvey says was devastating for him), he is a failure to his family name. Any deviance from absolute heterosexuality makes him a fag - not just for that moment, but for all time. Men don't even get to think about it.

I guess what I am trying to ask here is: "Is it fair that men are judged this way?" Is cash and title the measuring stick that makes a man 'a man?' It is almost as horrible as being judged by your waist size or cup size. How am I to raise sons to participate in this system? In regards to 'acting like a lady' and 'thinking like a man' - who says I want to do either? Should men try more to think like women? And how, precisely, do women think?

Such tiny boxes we have to fit in. And the lines get straighter every year. When I couldn't stomach any more of Mr. Harvey's formulaic bullshit, I clicked to the next headline: "8 steps to a flatter firmer you"

What a relief - I was starting to forget how to 'think like a lady'...